Thank you for this post! It helped me realize that I've already been setting boundaries by limiting what I'm willing to do. I hadn't been able to articulate why it is so hard to challenge my parents' beliefs face-to-face, but you nailed it. Doing that in the past led to physical danger, and my body remembers!
Also, the programming is so deep- I chatted with my non-binary nibling yesterday, and they told me that Grandma (my mom) had called and was asking for details about their relationship with their boyfriend. We talked for a bit about what they said and how I handled similar questions when I was engaged to my partner. HOURS later, my brain kicked in and said, "hey, that question is wildly inappropriate and YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IT." It literally took hours for my autonomy to push past the programming and have a non-compliant response. So I spent a while yesterday practicing phrases to refuse to answer, in case the opportunity arises on Thanksgiving!
Thank you for this post! It helped me realize that I've already been setting boundaries by limiting what I'm willing to do. I hadn't been able to articulate why it is so hard to challenge my parents' beliefs face-to-face, but you nailed it. Doing that in the past led to physical danger, and my body remembers!
Also, the programming is so deep- I chatted with my non-binary nibling yesterday, and they told me that Grandma (my mom) had called and was asking for details about their relationship with their boyfriend. We talked for a bit about what they said and how I handled similar questions when I was engaged to my partner. HOURS later, my brain kicked in and said, "hey, that question is wildly inappropriate and YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER IT." It literally took hours for my autonomy to push past the programming and have a non-compliant response. So I spent a while yesterday practicing phrases to refuse to answer, in case the opportunity arises on Thanksgiving!