Community Discussion: Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn?

What nervous system response did you experience in childhood?

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Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn

What nervous system response did you experience most often in childhood?

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

Today we wanted to talk a little bit about nervous system responses in childhood.

The very nature of this project is asking people to engage in thinking about childhood. For many of us, this can be painful -- or even impossible. Some people have very few memories of their childhoods. Some people resist engaging in thinking about their childhoods. Some people feel overwhelmed and get triggered into a variety of activated nervous system responses when something reminds them of their childhood experience. Some people focus on memories that have been shared a lot by family members and only focus on those experiences, or other positive ones they can hold onto. 

We here at STRONGWILLED believe it is helpful to spend some time thinking about nervous system responses, and in particular thinking about what responses we might have experienced in childhood. Specifically when we were in stressful situations (like when we were being disciplined by our caregivers). 

The four commonly identified activated nervous system responses are:

• Fight (your body activates you to fight off the threat)

• Flight (your body tries to help you avoid or flee the threat)

• Freeze (your body slows down and immobilizes you until the threat is gone)

• Fawn (your body tries to appease or pacify the threat)
  
  (Follow this link to learn more about each)

Perhaps you utilized all of these, or maybe there is one that most commonly occurred for you in childhood. It can be helpful to learn about these responses and begin to identify when you get triggered into these states currently and what helps you regulate yourself — and to help you get in touch with your experience of childhood.

Today, for your own personal reflection, see if you can think about what your go-to nervous system response was as a child. If you aren’t able to access that information, or if you are already in an activated state, please skip this prompt and take care of your nervous system today.

In Religious Authoritarian Parenting frameworks, it is easy to see how children with the fight response were labeled as “strong-willed” and how fawning might have been the preferred response (and got you labeled as compliant and obedient). 

It’s important to remember that we do not get to choose our nervous system responses, and one is not better than the other. They are all survival responses that get triggered in situations our nervous systems flag as life-or-death. 

Let us know in the comments if you are able to access memories about childhood and have a sense of what your main nervous system response was: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.

Next week, we will discuss ways to help regulate our systems when they are activated, so stay tuned for that discussion!

The purpose of this substack is to educate and share common experiences in religious authoritarian parenting, but it is not a substitute for therapy. Please seek a therapist to address mental health concerns or trauma.

Comment Guidelines:

1. While comments are limited to paid subscribers, the comment thread is a public place, so post with an awareness that it could be read by anyone.

2. This is not a therapy space. This is a place to share about common experiences, but not to receive psychological support for trauma. 

3. If you are triggered by a comment or a post, we trust that you will be able to step back from this space and take care of yourself and your nervous system. For a list of nervous system regulation tips and tricks, see this post by DL. 

4. Everyone has their own experiences, and they might differ from yours. This does not invalidate your experience!

5. Please don’t give unsolicited advice (but if it is asked for -- feel free to share!)

6. While we recognize that we might have readers who used these methods with their own children, this project is committed to centering the voices of those who grew up as kids under religious authoritarian parenting. If another person talking about their childhood experience is triggering to you as a parent, we kindly ask that you deal with your emotions and do not make others do that work for you. Everyone here has had the experience of being a child dependent on their caregivers, and this is where the conversation will be centered.